Bird-loathing Artist Gifts

Artist gets pooped on by lots of birds.

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"Lovely dovetail."

''What's in the bag, lady?''

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

New York Scatological Society

"We can do this the easy way or the Hitchcockian way."

"Why am I irate? A: You turn my eggs into omelets each morning. B: Not once have you offered me even a nibble."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"You want the lead role in the Thanksgiving play, don't you? Try again, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble' - this time with feeling!"

"I'd say my biggest influence is probably Pollock."

"We've only got one parrot remember."

Artist paints tree which drops leaves.

"And if he wants to keep his job, the early bird better get me a coffee, too."

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof!! When you die, may I hang you up in my garden for the blue tits..?"

"For goodness sake, Wilf, trim your eyebrows -- they think you're one of them!"

'I HAVE to put it in my mouth first.'

"Yeah, mom. Ed's up before sunrise to fix the sink. So here I stand at the crack of dawn."

Artist Hazards

CEO and COO.

"It's a thongbird."

'Hey guys, wouldn't it be alot easier if we just wore layers?'

Scientist taking air quality reading on roof with canary wearing gas mask.

Bates Motel Birdhouse

Year of the Seagull: Scarecrow on car's top losing it's battle in chasing gulls away

Who do you think you're kidding! There's no such thing as "Gull Scout Cookies."

Flower Trumpet

"She does bird impressions."

'He's been binge drinking again.'

"I keep telling you, poppy-seed bagels are nothing but trouble."

I Speak Your Weight: "Lay off the pizza and chips!"

"The problem with being a roadrunner is coping with the darn potholes! I've twisted my ankle again..."

Darwin misses witnessing unnatural selection.

The Swan.