Bipartisan Banter Gifts

A toast to Ted Kennedy.

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"I'll need to see your responsible service of alcohol certificate."

Heart To Heart

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

"If you must know, like most cats I'm a registered Independent!"

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

The world of Freudian slips...

"Democrats and Republicans agreeing?! The end times have arrived!"

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

"If your faith is so strong, why did you rush to the E.R. instead of your church?"

"I felt the Earth Move!"

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

Looks like it might rain.

'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'

"We'll be found soon I didn't pay the television licence"

"Now they'll never know who's on first."

Brunette girlfriend " I quite like your beard. You are only half as ugly now."

'Try not to dip your shoulder and keep your head in there. Remember, all the great ones go through slumps.'

"Well, that was another lame-duck session."

"I blame the government for everything. What do you do?"

'The Republican't Party!'

'Say, isn't that our former congressman?'

Birth Control Methods...Or have Rush Limbaugh or a man like him as your guyfriend!