Bike Tinkerers Gifts

'My bike was making a strange noise, so I took it apart to fix it. I should've thought ahead, because I have no idea how to put it back together.'

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

Organic Soldering.

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Music producers.

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

'My husband thought he could save money by repairing it himself.'

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

'It's a kit I found online. I converted the car so it runs entirely on chicken manure.'

'I've run your letter through the word processor several times, sir, but it just keeps getting worse.'

Innovate or die.

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'Hi Terry. Quick question about that new gearbox you put in my Polo last week.'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

Remote control car breakdown.

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

"To return to normal height professor, we simply: 1. Switch on The Nano-Ray. 2. Find the Plug; 3. Insert it..."

"Do you realise you're getting addicted to brake fluid?" "Yes, but I can stop anytime."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

"You've not used a chainsaw before have you?"

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

It's Oog's latest invention — the 'thumb-hitter.'

'There's no fear of him making a Frankenstein's Monster out of this is there?'

"Don't be ridiculous. If the wheels were round, you'd never be able to stop."

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"Yep, she's gonna cost ya—your microprocessor's shot."