Car Tinkerer Gifts

Man uses a kite in lightning to start his car.

'I think this explains the funny noises coming from your engine.'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

Organ Transplant Service - "Rather ironic isn't it...we need a new pump."

'Hi Terry. Quick question about that new gearbox you put in my Polo last week.'

'Bob, call you back. A big auto body job just drove in.'

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

'In order to fix your engine, it became necessary to break your windows.'

Quantum Mechanics.

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

DIY motor repairs.

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'

"...but shipping will be out of this world."

'My husband thought he could save money by repairing it himself.'

'I could remove the rust,but then what would you drive.'

"Yep, she's gonna cost ya—your microprocessor's shot."

"It might save gas, but frankly, I don't think it will work."

"Okay, this summer I've been able to buy a speaker system and a full set of dash knobs. Only 4,387 more parts before I have my own customized ragtop."

'I fixed the dent in the bumper.'

'Okay, now try it in the gear of 'D'.'

"It's funny how Grace loves reading and Baldo loves cars."

'Everything makes a noise except the hooter.'

"I kinda feel sorry for Ralphie. He spends all his time and money on his low-rider car...but he never seems to finish it."

"Do you realise you're getting addicted to brake fluid?" "Yes, but I can stop anytime."

'It's a kit I found online. I converted the car so it runs entirely on chicken manure.'

Dreaming of a Hot Rod

How's my car going, Lofty?

"The priest will be over in 10 minutes to give it last rights."

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

'Do you take credit card?' - 'No, I only take real money, Pal.' - 'Okay, there's thirty quid.' - 'Champion' - 'Can I have a receipt?' - 'Aye, speak to my accounts department...'

Man to man about cat: 'You should hear the cars purr after he's done with them.'

Car Repairs.

'I do wish you'd stop playing with the climate control Hazel!'

Frankenstein's Monster Auto Mechanic

"This could take a while. Fred is so mechanically impaired that when he goes to an auto parts store he parks in the handicapped spot."