Bigamy Satire Lovers Pillows

'Yes, I'm a bigamist, but I prefer to think of myself as serving two marriages concurrently.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"She wishes to range free!"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

Police film evidence

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

The White House: Some Assembly Required.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

Ted did have some concerns about the appearance of nepotism.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

Why Superman flies himself