Big Softy Sympathizer T-Shirts

"He's just a big softy really"

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Busy day

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

Rodins rotten juggler

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

'Come on, you big softy, admit it: Those were real tears at the end of the movie...'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

Sling

Dog dreams of sleeping in masters chair.

"I'm sorry your head hurts, sweetie - is there anything I can do to make you shut up about it?"

'Buster was in a little accident, but he'll be good as new in 6 weeks.'

The Battle of Life - Part the First

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

"Don't stress. My philosophy has always been 'ewe be ewe'."

Sympathy Cards

"The champagne aisle always makes me cry. Just look at all this imprisoned happiness!"

Type A Flu.

Fleeces for sale

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

"Every night, I feel so used."

"His reputation as a tough guy was dented when his Valentine called him ‘cuddle bottom’."

"I need a card that's heavy on caring but light on commitment."