Big Softy Sympathizer Pillows

"He's just a big softy really"

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Busy day

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

Rodins rotten juggler

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

'Come on, you big softy, admit it: Those were real tears at the end of the movie...'

Hot flashes

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

"It has a nice soft shoulder. You said you needed one to cry on, didn't you?"

Sling

Dog dreams of sleeping in masters chair.

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"The champagne aisle always makes me cry. Just look at all this imprisoned happiness!"

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

I hate to tell you this, but most of the pigs on social media are rooting for the wolf.

'Buster was in a little accident, but he'll be good as new in 6 weeks.'

The Battle of Life - Part the First

"Don't stress. My philosophy has always been 'ewe be ewe'."

Sympathy Cards

Type A Flu.

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

"I'm sorry your head hurts, sweetie - is there anything I can do to make you shut up about it?"

"His reputation as a tough guy was dented when his Valentine called him ‘cuddle bottom’."

Fleeces for sale

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Every night, I feel so used."