Big Sisters Gifts

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Bond James, Bond."

Grace For Flies

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Wildlife

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Santa Claus's Mail

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

"She's been so creative lately."

"I said I wanted to visit the Brandenburg Gate."

Late night teddy reading

"First class, or with children?"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'We're under capitalized. As soon as we reach the break even point we'll buy a lemon.'

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

'He has your nose and my ears.'