Big Sibling Mentor Gifts

'I suppose this puts my new bike on the back burner?'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Little doctor.

The Other Cooperstown

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Maternity ward: 'Oh boy - stereo!'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

Kid in pedal police car pulling over a kid on a trike

Reflected Glory

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

'Cleanliness is next to...impossible.'

'My right brain isn't working.'

"So, the inevitable sequel."

Look out, you're sitting on a worm!

"There's the bell for respite. . . I mean, recess."

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

To my future King.

Recycling

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'This is my little brother -- He believes in freedom of screech.'

'Take it from someone with experience. . . you can't go throwing tantrums until you've at least tossed a few.'

'How'd you get out of time-out??. . . Dude, if you do the crime, you do the time.'

A man playing with a baby

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'