Big Chair Champion Pillows

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Family working together

Fashion Update Dryer Sheets

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

Baby with straw to eat out of bib.

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

Babies who Lunch.

"Hey, the last thing I want to do is annoy you. That's actually ninth on my to-do list."

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"I woke up early, took a shower, got dressed for work then remembered I don't work today."

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

"The last time we ordered take-out I was up all night doing laundry."

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

Sue believed that one day she would find her soul mate - and her missing sock.

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

Dating Agency: "I am looking for a man whose hobbies are, washing up, dusting and ironing."

"Yes, I can multi-task. Why do you ask?"

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

"What are we doing today?"

First Place Layabout

'I'll slap the both of you if you don't knock off the chit chat.'

"Honest Dad, I was going to mow the lawn... But I can't find the lawnmower in here!"