Big Chair Champion Pillows

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"So, what did you do at charter school today?"

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Family working together

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

Fashion Update Dryer Sheets

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

Baby with straw to eat out of bib.

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

Babies who Lunch.

"Hey, the last thing I want to do is annoy you. That's actually ninth on my to-do list."

"I woke up early, took a shower, got dressed for work then remembered I don't work today."

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

"The last time we ordered take-out I was up all night doing laundry."

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

Sue believed that one day she would find her soul mate - and her missing sock.

Dating Agency: "I am looking for a man whose hobbies are, washing up, dusting and ironing."

Fortunately, his training had prepared him to deal with all types of customers.

'HEY,no Tongue!'

First Place Layabout

"Honest Dad, I was going to mow the lawn... But I can't find the lawnmower in here!"

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

'I'll slap the both of you if you don't knock off the chit chat.'

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

"What are we doing today?"