Big Business Critic Gifts

"Why are you worried? I told you we're too big to fail!"

AMAZON presents FOOD HOLE Market

'Do you suppose this was engineered by Halliburton?'

Exxon Profits.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"First Big Oil, the Big Steel, and now, Big Cookie."

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"

'But the good news is: with each downsizing, you qualify for frequent fired 'discount' points.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"Get someone to make the slot bigger."

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

"We're looking for people to fire."

"When the going gets tough, the tough get a government handout."

'You deserve a bonus, but of course we can't give you one. Instead, we offer a pat on the back and five atta boys.'

"My name is Bob and I'm looking for a 'Yesirree' man."

Rat Race Resources.

NOW HIRING SECRETARY, 'Oh, what the heck -- typing is overrated anyway.'

Profits for Big Pharma

Emperor Trump gives a thumbs down to a polar bear

'On the agenda for this meeting is sick leave...'

The COMPANY is always right.