Biblical Foodie Gifts

'Is there such a thing as diet manna?'

'I sent out for everything.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Ice Cream Surgeon

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

What the Doctor Ordered

"You do like octopus?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

La Table

Fast food. Even faster food

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Pigeon Little

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."