Beverage Connoisseur Gifts

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

Just my luck to be found by a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

'In these troubled times, I thank God there's still one barrel left we can afford.'

Spilled coffee

How a Bottle Ages. . .

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

'Sorry, I don't care for this one, either. Tell you what, bring me a Coke.'

Vampire drinking 'Blood Light'

"What'll ya have?"

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'Popular in New York, it's called the Bloomberg -- less than 16 ounces, and a lot of fat -- in the head.'

'Stop at Earth to pick up wine? You know all they carry is domestics.'

'Excuse me, but do you have a decaffeinated baristo?'

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'

London Gin Company Limited - By Appointment to Queen Mother

'How about I leave the last splinter in? It'll be a good reminder to not take things literally, at your next barrel tasting.'

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

'Everyone wants Perrier with a twist of lime.'

I must say your enormous soda beguiles me.

Hard Water

Complimentary beverages.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for marketing, but I think bottled pond scum water really does taste better.

Exciting news. I've retired our small size coffee. I've replaced it with the big. What if people want jut a little bit to drink? They should order the big. Isn't it bigger? It's the same size as the old small. Just like the old medium. It's the same as before, but it now called the grandeur. And in place of the old large, I give you the skyscraper. Modern cafe theory: Same size drinks but larger names. Our prices must rise to reflect our generosity.

I've never been in here before. What's your best drink? That'd be the Gambler's Mocha. Sounds interesting. What's in it? Oh … a little of this, a little of that. For all you know, it's a smooth blend of hand-mixed Amedei Porcelana dark chocolate from Tuscany ... and Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee beans, hand-picked by sherpas 5,000 feet above sea level precisely at sunset ... topped with a light whip of frozen Arctic sea foam, and black diamond cream from Dubai ... for all you know ... Or it coul

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

"Scotch and water musick."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"This place has the best happy hour."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

I could have danced all night!

'No ice.'

Party Animals.

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."