Benevolent Chuckler Pillows

"Our charity would appreciate a donation, but I am not willing to fight you for it."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Jesus Christ

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

Various Birds of Pray.

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'...explain to me again why you are burying the shoe you threw..'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

"I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

"Let go and let Gary."

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'