Holy Chuckler Pillows

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"The subwoofers really help."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Jesus Christ

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Various Birds of Pray.

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

Pluto Named Dwarf Planet

'Time's up, chuckles.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."

"I can't believe how soon they got me back on my feet after the operation..."

"I was very relieved. I expected to spend eternity on hold."

"Actually, sir, the rules were chiseled in stone."