Benefit Evaluators T-Shirts

"They're offering me comprehensive medical and full dental. Now if they just throw in a salary it'll be perfect!"

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

'I received matching offers.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

"Has it been in your family long?"

'You say here you're a people person.'

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

IRS. I made less money this year than last year because I spent six months filling out my tax form!

Employee Benefits

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

Talk of charities 'providing their impact' is dangerous and misleading.

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

Companies are slashing employee health care and pension benefits. Cutting, slashing, trimming, eliminating. Look at them go. I feel like I'm watching a great athlete on tv. I'm so inspired! You're one odd duck. Rudy – come hither my overpaid dumpling!

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

'What's your threshold of pain when it comes to salary and benefits?'

"Regarding salary and benefits, pick one or the other."

'We considered offering health insurance, but it's cheaper to have taxpayers pick up the tab at hospital emergency rooms.'

Universal Credits Computer: Kaput

'You've been assessed as incapable of doing this work.'

"I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, but recurrent ice cream headaches don't qualify you for disability."

'Health benefit? Didn't you get a personal first aid kit when you started working here?'

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

'You can get a copy of our retirement and health plans at any social security office.'

'No, you don't get a check because your computer is disabled.'

Help wanted. Excellent medical insurance. Salary also available.