Benefit Evaluators Pillows

"They're offering me comprehensive medical and full dental. Now if they just throw in a salary it'll be perfect!"

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'Desks equipped with airbags - for now that's our company's health plan.'

'I received matching offers.'

"No, we don't have a pension plan. We don't expect our employees to ever retire."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

'You're offering me a job, eh? -- does it have portable benefits?'

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

"Has it been in your family long?"

'With 13 holidays per year, 2 weeks sick leave, 2 coffee break each day, 4 weeks vacation a year, 80% of ife and health insurance, profit sharing, including various discounts and you still want a salary?'

Employee Benefits

'You say here you're a people person.'

"It all began with trying to measure project outcomes."

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

Talk of charities 'providing their impact' is dangerous and misleading.

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

'What's your threshold of pain when it comes to salary and benefits?'

'We considered offering health insurance, but it's cheaper to have taxpayers pick up the tab at hospital emergency rooms.'

"Regarding salary and benefits, pick one or the other."

Universal Credits Computer: Kaput

'You've been assessed as incapable of doing this work.'

"I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, but recurrent ice cream headaches don't qualify you for disability."

'Health benefit? Didn't you get a personal first aid kit when you started working here?'

'You can get a copy of our retirement and health plans at any social security office.'

'Felton,has it occured to you that you may have taken a talent for self-effacement a bit too far?'

'No, you don't get a check because your computer is disabled.'

Help wanted. Excellent medical insurance. Salary also available.

'Does the soundtrack to my life always have to be played on a wobble board?'