Bench Warmers Gifts

Don

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'Are you SURE you switched off the electric blanket, luv?'

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

Feathered frenzy

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Only the high-traffic path needs cleaning - from the couch to the bar.'

Spring Training

Be a friend.

I'm a seat warmer test dummy.

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

'Let's get these coats off, get over by the fire and get nice and toasty.'

'See that, Greg? His back is straight. Both feet flat on the floor. Eyes fixed on the game. It's natural talent, Greg. You just can't teach that.'

Nobody has been on the this team longer, without actually playing in a game than you guys. We're setting a benchmark!

People for the ethical treatment of athletes.

'That's impressive, Hanks. Now just 'presto' it right back out of his skill. Geez... And you wonder why you never play.'

A woman's dog brings her a valentine.

"I AM at my usual position."

'Dear diary: day sixty, still haven't played. Starting to regret choosing baseball. Over the NBA...'

'...Charles is a better kiss-up, so he will be starting in the position right next to me on the bench.'

'Well, I don't know much about sport, but I know what I like.'

'Well, this is your lucky day, Sheedy.Go in for Moore... He just blew out his knee.'

"I play 'backside'. My backside is always on the bench."

'Yo, Dewey! Got another one over here when you're done.'

'That's the trouble with parks football - there's not much quality on the bench!'

It has been 103 innings since I last played.

'Sweeny's been sitting on the bench too long. We're going to need the jumper cables.'

'Harold! Go in for ... dang.'