Belly Rub Giver Gifts

"They rubbed my tummy, chief- I told them everything."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"Petting, fetching, receiving belly rubs . . . It all adds to your billable hours."

Emotional Support Pest

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

The First Domesticated Dog: "Can you compete with a free life time supply of tummy rubs? . . . Well?. . . Yeah, I didn't think so."

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'When is science going to explain the dark matter I find in my belly button every morning?'

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

"Should I just give him the £2.50 or does that look cheap. . . would he say anything if I just walked past?"

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

'Will work for tummy rub.'

'Sorry I'm late - I stopped off for a beer and a back rub.'

"The bad news is, no walk. The good news is, unlimited belly rubs, chase around the dining room table, salmon for dinner, and you're on my bed tonight."

Innie Outie

'I think he's saying he wants a hug.'

'I want to leave my body to the medical school, and my mind to the psychiatric hospital.'

Dad reaching into medicine cupboard

'This is the place I was telling you about.'

"And if this prescription doesn't work, see if you can get someone to rub your belly. That always make me feel better."

His and Hers In Case of Emergency

National Belly Button Society: Innies and Outies.

Stomach Fishing.

Dogs enter lottery for belly rubs.

'This isn't rocket science, Chuck. You donate $1,000 to a charity. You feel good. That's it.'

Linda mad a killing during slow-moving commuter traffic.

Naval Institute. Innies. Outies.

"Thanks for the walks, tasty treats and rubbing my belly with vigor. I could only love you more if you made my food dish much bigger."

'Breast implant clinic - No job to small'

"… Now a little to the left … that's it, honey, nice … mmm … OK, now get lost."

Belly button night. Outies only.

Then we agree - 3 out of 3 doctors prefer 'innies' to 'outties.'

'I'm in the mood for a belly rub. Do we have any volunteers?'