Being Trendy T-Shirts

Distant but dope

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

Men's business romper.

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

Rap music

Vivienne Westwood

'Can I have mine with the peak at the front '

"I'm two weeks away from my Pilates badge."

Upper East Side Dog Park

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

"Sorry, sir. The baggage must match the passenger."

'I hear McKellen takes scarf wearing to new levels of flamboyance at the Old Vic...'

Little Red Riding Hoodie

"Get real Dad, those are LAST years colors!"

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Jeans sale

Can I get you another coffee?

I'm not buying a $25 set of boring hooded towels off a big box store baby shower registry. Mom fights the man! The local baby boutique will have a hipper selection. So true! Catch those adorable all-organic, artist-designed towels! Cute! And only $55 each! My pretentions are never cheap!

'I can't go in there now, I'll look ridiculous.'

Back To School Supplies.

Fashionista

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

"We're thinking of having your nose pierced."

Look at that getup! What's the matter with it? It only serves to attract attention. But without flashy sparkletarts, life would be boring! You say that like it's a bad thing! "Boring" - The new "bodacious."

'Hey, we're in style!'

'Your father says he'll stop wearing his pants like that when you do.'

If a tree falls in the forest but there's no hashtag for it ...

"Says here tiny houses are the hot new trend. Didn't I always tell you we're ahead of our time, Doris?"

"Of course I'm familiar with crop tops. It's just the crop bottoms, not so much."

"I'll be glad to see the back of winter - I'm sick of having to wear so much on a night out."

'Why do you have your hat on backwards?'

"What's the right age to tell a child that she's ironic?"

"Knees peeking out of jeans are sexy, but what would you know?"