Behavior Training Gifts

'Now, now terror, it's for your own good.'

'The vet will see, you know!'

Walkaholics Anonymous

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

Santa Claus's Mail

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

Overjumpers

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"Shake! Good Dog."

Agility God

"I hate it when we fight."

Dog Park / Cat Park

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."