Beer Belly Embracer Pillows

". . . So tell me Mr. Confirmed Bachelor. . . why did you get married?"

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who puts the measuring cups where I can't reach them.'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

Body by Jake

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Congratulations!

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

BEER BELLY

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'Oh, Harold...How can I face our family and friends knowing you're a crossdresser?!'

"Sure, I could hold your hand during down markets...but it wouldn't help you learn how to embrace failure."

"Keep it long at the back and big and bushy on top please."

"Teacher believes in performance-enhancing hugs."

"thanks for all your efforts Harry, but I am still going to have to sell the place."

'Quiet you!'

Innovate - man boobs and gut bra.

'The gardener in him sold out to the nature-conservationist.'

'I've been having one long, continuous bad hair day for the past 25 years.'

''Light' beer bottles. Somewhere there's a slob on a diet.'

'Well, if it isn't the guy wiith the draggin' tattoo!'

"You look amazing for someone who's just woken up!"

The Artist

'The truly enlightened don't NEED comb-overs!'

Getting in shape (or not)

'We caught him with this up his jumper, trying to join the darts team under false pretences.'

'You have a zit where?'

Man with a football tattooed onto his stomach.

"Does my bump look big in this"

'I told Fred if he wants to feel the wind rushing through his hair he'd better unbutton his shirt.'

"Make it sassy, Jim."