Beef Jerky Aficionado Gifts

"I don' think Baldo is good with his money."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

Important Food Groups

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

'Guess how many I ATE.'

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"We get all our meat from a man dressed like a butcher."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Eat Beef

'I don't care if you are a big banana, I'm the big cheese around here!'

'Doctor please come quick! His fever has gone from medium rare to well done!'

Family Butcher.

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

"The good news is that a delicious stick of jerky is still a very affordable seventy-five cents."

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

Jelly I.V.

*=Hotdog

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"I'm more concerned about the two bowlfuls of jelly you apparently sit on the rest of the year."

Matador Artificial Insemination.

"Veal or non-veal?"

Down on Her.

Cow Gag Gifts

Pigs at butcher: 'One day son, all this will be you..'