Bedtime Theorist T-Shirts

"And from Newton's second law on rigid bodies it can be shown that force equals mass times acceleration...I'll show you."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"Well did he?"

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"Think about the honey."

Father nursing his sick child

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Are you sure that's not a typo? -- Maybe the cow jumped over the moor."

"Never get between a mama bear and her cub – unless you want to hear a long story about our struggles with bedtime."

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

Sleeping masks

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"I have made some notes about last night's story, that I would like you to clarify."

"I thought it was just the cap that was child-resistant."

'And so we come to the concluding episode of Barthelmew Cubbins and the 500 hats.'

The Force of Example.

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my payers now!"

'Time? Time's relative.'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

'Monday morning feeling? But it's thursday!'

"See you in the morning."

"I have no idea why Stuart Little’s mother is human — don’t overthink it."

'They saved their files before closing and lived happily ever after.'

"But counting sheep makes me hungry."