Bedtime Mythologist T-Shirts

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Dog Nightmares

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Well did he?"

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"Name your sources."

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'I'm glad you're reading my night night story. Dad being a tax attorney only reads chapter 11.'

"Think about the honey."