Bedtime Mythologist T-Shirts

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'She's just great with the children.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"Well did he?"

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

"Think about the honey."

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'