Bedtime Ritualist Pillows

'And in conclusion, I'd like to say - it's been a pleasure talking to you.'

'Keep up the good work!'

Father nursing his sick child

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

"No, I don’t need a wake-up call, but can someone tuck me in?"

The Publican Dad

"Well are you going to get me a hot drink and read me a story?"

Teeth out for a soak.

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Great coffee, Carole."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

Bedtime story.

So Far So Good

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

The Tooth Ferret

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"He can't be disturbed right now. He's in a meeting with his first cup of coffee."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"I love wearing a sleeper. It's like I can walk around tucked in."

"You doomscroll, I make coffee, and together we forge bravely into each new day."

"What better way to start your day than to eat and pray before we play!"

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"