Bedtime Ritualists Pillows

"It's not about the story. It's about Daddy taking time out of his busy day to read you the story."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

Bedtime story.

Father nursing his sick child

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

The Tooth Ferret

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"I love wearing a sleeper. It's like I can walk around tucked in."

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

Father reading a bedtime story to his daughter.

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'

"You choose now to suddenly become romantic?"

"His nose grew every time he lied? That must've taken all the fun out of fishing."

"Stop fact checking my story."

"Yes, Mom, I'm just finishing texting my payers now!"

"I have made some notes about last night's story, that I would like you to clarify."

"I'm prescribing your husband a double dose of malt whiskey, to be taken twice every evening."

"Keep your shirt on. I'll read your book as soon as I'm done reading the monster his book."