Bedtime Heroes Gifts

"Why would a monster be under your bed? And even if there was, what the heck could I do about it?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

Dog Nightmares

'She's just great with the children.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"Name your sources."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."