Bedtime Hero Gifts

Father cuts the legs off of bed to solve the 'monster under the bed problem.'

"You were right, honey, she was tired... I only had to read six books to her tonight!"

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

Late night teddy reading

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

"I'm not napping yet, but I am getting ready to with a pre-nap warm up."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."