Bedtime Bibliophile Gifts

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

A man reading a book entitled "The Riot Act" in bed.

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

"Talk nerdy to me."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

'A Great Big Bang. An I-Can-Read Cosmology Book'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

Bedtime story.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

The Grapes of Wrath finally get some professional help.

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

Fairtale prosecutions.

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs would make a great reality show."

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

"Can I hear Goldilocks and the three hares?"