Bedtime Book Believer Gifts

The End Of The Story Is Near!

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

'A Great Big Bang. An I-Can-Read Cosmology Book'

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

Bedtime story.

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

'I can't sleep. I'm too awake.'

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

Fairtale prosecutions.

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"How can back to back be your favourite position?"