Bedtime Book Believer Gifts

The End Of The Story Is Near!

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

'A Great Big Bang. An I-Can-Read Cosmology Book'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"What you find 'boring' spies from all over the world would find extremely interesting."

Bedtime story.

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

Fairtale prosecutions.

'I can't sleep. I'm too awake.'

'Read me 'Br'er Rabbit again and this time leave out the southern accent.'

"Did the cow that jumped over the moon have NASA funding?"

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"And so, with thee help of their relate counsellor, they lived happily ever after..."

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"