Bedroom Culture Enthusiast Pillows

"Fred, listen! Can you hear me? The desensitizing cream - it's for external use."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"They'd run out of nurses' uniforms..."

Tedious Romantic.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Performance In The Bedroom

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"Well, it's another brand-new day. What do you say to getting up and looking the damn thing straight in the eye?"

Bed Fellow

'We'll take it!'

The Sex life of a Driving Test Examiner, "Thank you. I will not ask you to perform that manoeuvre again."

'Gravity wins - again.'

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

Wine Lovers

"Dang it."

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

101 Positions/101 Excuses

'My member requires some interest.'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

'Don't hurt it.'

"Next time, Id' like the director's cut."

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

Chicane

Selfish man stealing the duvet.

'I agree, 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is a boring title for a book about home decorating, but I'm getting some great ideas for the bedroom!'

'Paradise awaits pauline Norris' man in bed with a mask on

New Karma Sutra: No.1 The Begging Position.

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'