Beauty Contests Gifts

The return of Miss Subways

"You know that beauty contest they're having in the Ritz ballroom Saturday afternoon? I won it tonight."

'Beauty Contest registration, all entries become the property of the judges'

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

Doris always made a big impact in the swimwear section of the beauty contest

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Miss America IQ Pageant

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Bee costume

'Rhea of the Year.'

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

Circus Pageant

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

"Naturally curly hair."

"She's had so much work done that she's starting to look like her mother."

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

50 Shades of Brown: Tanning Salon

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

'Wax Lipped Cow'.

"Have you ever been young before?"

Model's aspirations

No soliciting - unless you're one of those sweepstakes

Gullible prunes.

Miss America IQ pageant.

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."