Beauty Contests Gifts

The return of Miss Subways

"You know that beauty contest they're having in the Ritz ballroom Saturday afternoon? I won it tonight."

'Beauty Contest registration, all entries become the property of the judges'

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

Doris always made a big impact in the swimwear section of the beauty contest

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Miss America IQ Pageant

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Bee costume

'Rhea of the Year.'

I just want to look natural. You know, like a movie star.

Hospital gown pageant.

"It turs out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

Linda Carter played Wonder Woman on the odl TV show. Her dad was Irish-American and her mom was Mexican-American. Before that, she was Miss World USA. Before that, she was forced by her abuelita to eat beauty and muscle foods like rice and beans."

Circus Pageant

'We did it, Dad! We won the heaviest frog award!'

Future beauty pageant contestants' Christmas wish.

Man reading letter, 'You may already be a winner' about to step on rake.

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

"Naturally curly hair."

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

"Have you ever been young before?"

50 Shades of Brown: Tanning Salon

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen. Tuesdays! Wet Socks Contest!

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

'Wax Lipped Cow'.

"She's had so much work done that she's starting to look like her mother."

No soliciting - unless you're one of those sweepstakes

Model's aspirations

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'