Beauty Blogger T-Shirts

"I got Golden Ash Blond No. 334, just like you said."

"Now, open your cosmetics fridge and delicately apply the cold hard cash to the area around your eyes."

"Your eyebrows are beautiful, darling. I know you hate drawing them on."

The world's most successful beauty blogger...

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Bad hair day!

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Dating is so expensive...

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Pampered and poodled.

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

Your lobster was off!

'It's my favorite.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

What price beauty?

"I don't like your application."

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

'I'm not begging, I've just painted my claws.'

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

New Twenty Blades

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"