Beauty And Humor Fan Gifts

"Trust me, she's had work done."

Girl in cow onesie.

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

I e-bay t-shirt.

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Beer Van and Ice Cream Van

"I'm saying we lash out for the 'Deluxe' collagen treatment, next time, honey."

"You know Gladys, you seem to be getting younger by the minute. What's your secret?" "I finally decided to get a few injections of bootox. It works wonders!"

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

'BOTOX...QUICK!

'Silicone implant ward.'

"It's the best bag I've ever had, I can get everything in it."

'I want a smaller carrot.'

'She's definitely had work done.'

'They're for stiff necks - take two, and avoid skulking around in drafty places!'

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

A woman shops for choir robes in sizes 'small' 'large' and 'large but think they are small'.

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

'So, on the face of it, what's your verdict?' (husband to wife's beautician).

'Have you got anything a little less invasive?'

"His game is so bad they place the pin flags at half mast whenever he plays a round."

'I'm doggie bagging it today.'

"Laugh all you want, but my Bunny-Slippers keep my feet nice and warm..."

Dog says 'Ruff!' to another dog wearing a ruff (fabric ruffle).

'Claire would have been devilishly beautiful had it not been for her abnormally large hands'

"And in the event of an actual leopard attack the schoolgirl fetish would do exactly what?"

It's the Vikings and the Avon lady not due until tomorrow!"

'I'd like a facelift for the woman next door!'

'She had a nose job.'

'Unlike men, women can multi-task!'

No size 18 woman no cry

"I have a billionaire client. He invented soap-on-a-rope and now he's filthy rich."

'Be honest, does my hair look mousy?'