Beauty Alchemist T-Shirts

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Sheep In Curlers

Do you think I'm sixty?

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

Woman looking into a mirror

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

The Cat Spa

"Define fair."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"Botox."

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'As pizza maker, maybe a skin care products site isn't the best idea for an affiliate site.'

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"Oh my gosh — so sorry! Those were extensions!"

"More concealer?"

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Two men in barber shop

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."