Beat Cop Gifts

"What I dread is someone yelling 'Stop, thief!', and I have to run after the guy."

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

Dancing at the Clubs.

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Undercover Biophysicists

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

Hip-hop cops on stage.

"You're under arrest for breaking the law of gravity! You have the right to..."

The Music Lover.

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

'Can I have your autograph...?'

'I understand about strangers, but is it okay to take candy from Federal agents?'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Children playing percussion instruments.

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

Jack Kerouac

When asked to show some identification,the policemen produced their badgers.

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

"Your footage makes us dizzy so we're taking back your body camera, Officer Dancing Traffic Cop."

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

"Tell me about your fear of policemen."

It's amazing how people slow down when you point a hair dryer at them.

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

'I saw him go that way.'

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'