Beat Cop Gifts

"What I dread is someone yelling 'Stop, thief!', and I have to run after the guy."

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

Dancing at the Clubs.

"I knew we'd eventually catch him. He can't run and run as fast as he once did."

"I worked hard, I played hard and I embezzled hard."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Things that go beep in the night.

Hip-hop cops on stage.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Undercover Biophysicists

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

"You're under arrest for breaking the law of gravity! You have the right to..."

'I understand about strangers, but is it okay to take candy from Federal agents?'

The Music Lover.

'Can I have your autograph...?'

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

'Does my bum look big in this?'

Children playing percussion instruments.

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

Don't Try Anything Funny.

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

When asked to show some identification,the policemen produced their badgers.

"Your footage makes us dizzy so we're taking back your body camera, Officer Dancing Traffic Cop."

Jack Kerouac

Black market trade in foodstuffs is thriving.

'We know the elephant died when he jumped off the roof. But the other guy? It's a mystery.'

"It's easier to make 'em talk when you just cement the feet."

"Tell me about your fear of policemen."

It's amazing how people slow down when you point a hair dryer at them.

'No, you can't fake your own death and leave all your money to yourself.'

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

'I saw him go that way.'

'Get me two new officers to play good cop bad cop.'