Bearish Strategist Gifts

Reference and Economic Reference.

"It's to prevent arguing at the water cooler."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

The Contrarian funds

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

Targets

'You should have seen me sooner, Mr. Fenswick.'

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

"How about fashionably never?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."