Bean Dilettante Pillows

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'House wine?'

Macho Vegetarian

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

The Salvador Deli

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

Pie.,

'Should I buy or sell?'