Diy Dilettante Pillows

Man paints himself into corner.

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"I don't care what his name was. When I said I needed a Philips head, I meant a screwdriver you idiot!"

"Have you installed some new kitchen taps like I asked?"

Novice plumbers replacing a washer in a leaky faucet.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'House wine?'

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

The Salvador Deli

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

The singles bar...

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

M.D. Robotics. Oil. Stop downloading so many cookies.

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"