Diy Dilettante Pillows

Man paints himself into corner.

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"Have you installed some new kitchen taps like I asked?"

Novice plumbers replacing a washer in a leaky faucet.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'House wine?'

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

The Salvador Deli

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"'Scuse me, Officer, but where do the elite meet to eat around here?"

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

The singles bar...

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"This fat free meal is also taste free!"

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."