Beachbum Gifts

You'll stay in a beach timeout and think about your behavior until the tide comes in.

"Which way to the beach?"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Check out the nice crawdads I have in the bait bucket, George.

'Why couldn't you just give him a bucket and shovel?'

Beach con-man.

Desert Island Meals.

"Too crowded. Let's go."

'Thank-you God.'

Bad fake tan day.

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

Bring your own inflatable.

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Daughters on the beach

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

It beached on a pile of plastic bottles, so they were able to just roll it back out.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"The tide is coming in, sweetheart!"

'I don't care if it's hot, I won't go in the water!'

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."