Basketball Buddy Pillows

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'Super Dog'

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

Exercising

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...You push the wrong button, and now, instead of our fans enjoying a fireworks display, we've got an international incident on our hands.'

'Anderson! On this team we slap hands or slap fannies after someone scores a run. We do not slap faces.'

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'You sure complain a lot for someone who says he loves nature.'

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

Game In A Can.

Basketball injuries.

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

'This is Role Model Man. He is our new assistant coach in charge of projecting a positive image to impressionable young minds.'

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

"You've been traded to the Red Sox for an outfielder with a broken arm."

"I love you. We all love you. Now throw some strikes."

'Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Timeout!!'

Sit-ups / Stationary-ups

After the incident with Coach McKracken the Arctic Football League banned drink dumping.

'Time out!'