Baseball Psychic Gifts

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

The Giamatti era

"Uniformly accelerated motion"

You'll understand after you see him pitch.

Deregulated Baseball

'You reckon we should mosey this guy?'

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

Baseball manager shows pitcher complicated charts.

'The batter's crowding the plate. Try dusting him off at the knees. If that doesn't work, throw it high and inside. If he still won't back off, charge the plate and bite him.'

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

"You're in the cartoon league now. You just have to pretend those little circles in the stands are actual people."

In baseball we can't practice social distancing when everybody is told to stay at home.

'My next batter says this team doesn't pay him enough to lay down a sacrifice bunt. ... Could you pass this hat around?'

"Figured out who should bat cleanup yet, Skipper?"

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

'Whoops, sorry, Steve. That wasn't a steal sign. I had an itch on my stomach.'

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys

Bismark Ballet School

Shows Bundt

'Listen,kid, you're going to have to lower your standards if you ever want to throw the sleazeball.'

'Uh-oh. They're bringing in the closer to secure the win.'

'He looks great in the field, but can he bat?'

'According to his stats, this right-fielder hit .317 and is 50 in stocks, 30 in bonds and 20 in cash.'

Inside Baseballs

'So much for the question of whether of whether or not a curveball really curves.'

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

'He hits better against right handed pitching, so pitch left-handed, to him.'

'Are you going to bowl or are you going to peek into the future?'

'Get over it, Brady. Pitchers at this level are expected to get batters out. Randy there gave up eight runs in one inning...'