Baseball Fanatics Pillows

'Swelling, Babcock, is our body's way of telling us that something's wrong. But if you insist on staying in the game, hey, it's your elbow.'

'He's been this way since the Red Sox won the pennant!'

'Try throwing it underhand ... it can't be any worse.'

Vampire batting with bats hanging off of bat.

MLB Owners, Players, Fans

'Your salary will remain high, but management gets a share of any baseball card royalties.'

If there were a New York Vacuums baseball team...

'I think maybe they should move opening day until it's warmer.'

"It must be a female!"

Burning the opposition.

A runner slides into home base safely by tunneling under a baseman's legs; the umpire rules that the runner is safe

'Talk to my lawyer.'

'Send help! I'm caught in a pickle between first and second!'

'Free food. Free place to sleep. And now we get to see a Cubs game - all comp! This is the freakin' life, Louie!'

A baseball manager was fired for taking team equipment that didn't belong to him. He was caught stealing. He should have seen the firing coming, but like an unfocused player he missed the signs. He was incompetent, never knowing what to do in unusual, unexpected game situations. He couldn't handle it when he was thrown a curve. His last mistake was failing to remove a weak fielder in the bottom of the ninth. That was a big error! Both the manager and the player dropped the ball!

It's the same thing season after season. We just can't compete with the large-market teams.

"Dad, snap out of it. The postseason ended last week. The Red Sox lost."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

350 Feet.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Perils of the double play.

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

No Baseball

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'OK, now let's switch places.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'