Baseball Aficionados Pillows

'Remember his weakness is a pulled tendon, so keep it as high as your bursitis will let you, but take it easy with your fast ball because of my bone chips.'

'I was traded to St Pete's for two pitchers- of beer.'

"Seventh inning stretch already?"

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

No Baseball

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

"Think of me as the designated sitter."

"Always carry a ball with you! If you are chased by a dog, stop, show the ball and throw it. Believe me, he won't be able to resist chasing it instead of you..."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Sheltering in place.

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

Monster Baseball

"Try letting the ball come to you."

Official Team Cap With Beard