Major League Fanatic Pillows

'Hi Hon, just calling to let you know I'm on my way home.'

'Sorry, Pennington. You don't have your stuff today. I'm pulling the plug.'

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Go team!

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Ball as water-melon.

Cricket Accidents.

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'We're looking for athletic people.'

Hockey Season.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'...I don't like your chances!'

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

The bovine who jumped over the news went on to a great career w/ the Bulls!

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'