Baseball Coach Gifts

"For security, our signs need to be at least eight characters long."

Spring Training

"Oh, hell."

'Don't be intimidated by his fifty million dollar salary...Just think of his as a guy with a tax problem.'

Umpires filing trays marked 'safe' and 'out'.

'You're behind on every pitch, Billy! Try choking up on the bat!'

"Couldn't I be doing this online?"

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'I have to convince him it's not going to ruin his macho image if he bunts.'

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

"I'd like you to excel."

'When does the groundskeeper get back from vacation?'

'The 3rd base coach is trying to tell you something!'

Baeball Translators

Baseball signs.

'I don't care if you did pitch a no hitter! I still think you throw like a girl!'

"That's my relief pitcher."

Baseball manager shows pitcher complicated charts.

'... Get your elbows up. Knees bent. Keep your eye on the ball. ... and go and get a bat.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'And remember: no more errors or you'll be joining Daniel in the snake pit...'

'... 'Warm up before you take the mound,' I said. 'Stretch out,' I said...'

'Keep your eye on the ball, Jake! Level swing! Rotate your hips! ... and ease up on the sunflower seeds!'

'Ok, Danny, this drill tests your knowledge of what to do in different situations. Ready?...'

Opening day of spring training and the coach could already tell it was going to be a really long season with lots of testing for steroids.

'I'm pooped son, why don't you practice your spitting.'

He has been sliding into second ever since he left first base

"You're making good contact. You just need to work on your quiet class."

"Get the meat loaf—I hit it out of the park today."

"They're pulling the good-hitter, bad-hitter routine."

"This better be important."

"I hate Fashion Week."

"And would it kill you to put some pizzazz into it?"

"Figured out who should bat cleanup yet, Skipper?"