Baseball Coach Pillows

"For security, our signs need to be at least eight characters long."

Spring Training

"Oh, hell."

'Don't be intimidated by his fifty million dollar salary...Just think of his as a guy with a tax problem.'

To appease the fans, major-league umpires are now required to take eye exams during the seventh inning stretch.

Umpires filing trays marked 'safe' and 'out'.

"Couldn't I be doing this online?"

'You're behind on every pitch, Billy! Try choking up on the bat!'

'I have to convince him it's not going to ruin his macho image if he bunts.'

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

"That's my relief pitcher."

'I don't care if you did pitch a no hitter! I still think you throw like a girl!'

Baeball Translators

'When does the groundskeeper get back from vacation?'

'The 3rd base coach is trying to tell you something!'

"I'd like you to excel."

Baseball signs.

'... Get your elbows up. Knees bent. Keep your eye on the ball. ... and go and get a bat.'

'And remember: no more errors or you'll be joining Daniel in the snake pit...'

'Whoops, sorry, Steve. That wasn't a steal sign. I had an itch on my stomach.'

'Keep your eye on the ball, Jake! Level swing! Rotate your hips! ... and ease up on the sunflower seeds!'

Baseball manager shows pitcher complicated charts.

'... 'Warm up before you take the mound,' I said. 'Stretch out,' I said...'

'I'm pooped son, why don't you practice your spitting.'

He has been sliding into second ever since he left first base

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

"Nice try, Mr. Gibbs, but Salmonella is not a player with the N.Y. Yankees."

Opening day of spring training and the coach could already tell it was going to be a really long season with lots of testing for steroids.

'Ok, Danny, this drill tests your knowledge of what to do in different situations. Ready?...'

You stored all the team's business information here at third? It's our database!

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"