Baseball Strategist Pillows

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

'He hits better against right handed pitching, so pitch left-handed, to him.'

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

'The batter's crowding the plate. Try dusting him off at the knees. If that doesn't work, throw it high and inside. If he still won't back off, charge the plate and bite him.'

How to bunt.

'Whoops, sorry, Steve. That wasn't a steal sign. I had an itch on my stomach.'

Baseball manager shows pitcher complicated charts.

'Go out and tell the shortstop he's playing too deep.'

Bunt or Hit and Run.

"He's got great velocity, but he really needs to work on his trajectory."

'If I rub my chin, it's a fastball. If I rub my cheek, it's a curve ball. If I rub my eyes, it's hay fever.'

'The computer says 'bunt'. Tell the third base coach to give the signal.'

'You've done a fine job throwing money at problems, Senator, but I think it's time to bring in a reliever.'

'Mogug is big and strong, and swings his club with power. I suggest we let him play rightfield and bat third.'

The ump had a hunch that Buchanan was throwing a spitball.

"Try the beanball, kid. If it doesn't stop 'em, it might sloe 'em down."

"As I said before, I refuse to play for this team until they pay me as much as my fantasy owner."

'One's a fast ball, two's a fast ball, and three's the fastest ball.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'Listen,kid, you're going to have to lower your standards if you ever want to throw the sleazeball.'

'My next batter says this team doesn't pay him enough to lay down a sacrifice bunt. ... Could you pass this hat around?'

'The pitcher calls a time out and walks toward the dugout. He's signaling the front office, and it looks like they're bringing out a new manager.'

'We can't keep calling time out and meeting on the mound. Eventually the ump is going to get suspicious...'

'Time Out...Sorry, kid. Gotta make a change.'

'Wait, wait! ... He changed his mind. Install the other throwing arm. He wants a lefty.'

In baseball we can't practice social distancing when everybody is told to stay at home.

Just throw it over the plate, he won't swing. He's hoping for a walk.

Senator. Krupt. The returns are in --- It looks like we were focusing on the base when we should have been thinking about home plate.

"Uniformly accelerated motion"

"I'm sorry, but that one was too close to call."

"Figured out who should bat cleanup yet, Skipper?"

"Banning A-Rod for the entire season is tragic. However, banning him for the postseason might be a good omen."

"They're pulling the good-hitter, bad-hitter routine."

The MBA Draft