Basketball Coach Gifts

"I told him to do that."

'Guys! The turnovers are KILLING us!'

'Someone should fix that,'

'It's a note from your players, coach. It says they are very - no, 'extremely' sorry for losing the game, and can they please come out now.'

'What? I've been cut from the team!??'

'No, Jerome, that is incorrect... can anyone else demonstrate the proper way to tape a basketball player's ankle?'

'When do I learn to slamdunk?'

Athletic Darwinism.

'Hey, I'm no orthopaedic surgeon - know what I'm sayin'? But this can't be good.'

'I think putting a better team together might work, too.'

"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."

"Just practice half-court shots -- all other shots have lost their meaning."

'Don't make excuses, Moore! If you can't guard that guy, I'll put someone in who can!'

Kid rage.

'We should have asserted control early on. They've been jawing at each other all game long. It was bound to turn violent.'

'Now get out there and believe in yourselves! If you believe in yourselves, you can beat anyone!'

'I'm thinking of jumping right from JV ball to the NBA.'

Coach of basketball club sitting in his office with papers he has thrown all round the waste bin.

'All your shots are coming up short, so to strengthen your arms, you'll be practicing with a larger ball.'

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

'...Dan needs time to adjust to a new team...'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

'And with that basket, it looks like ... Wait. Let me check. ... Yes! The momentum once again has shifted.'

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

'I just love this new rule allowing you tie up obnoxious coaches.'

'What are the chances? I mean, all 10 players simultaneously dive for a loose ball and conk heads?'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'Major confession, Sid. Ready for this? If I didn't know it was you standing three feet away, you'd be nothing more than a blur...'

'He hates basketball! He hates basketball! He hates basketball...'

His patience running thing, the ref pushes the mute button and ends the argument.

'Don't worry, guys. Tomorrow we play the Napa Valley Cabernets, and we know they can't get over 100 points.'

Basketball team toilets.

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

'Open your nostrils, ref! He sprayed our guy when he was in the act of shooting!'

'...Because of his size, we want to give him time to develop.'