Basketball Coach Gifts

"I told him to do that."

'Guys! The turnovers are KILLING us!'

'Someone should fix that,'

'What? I've been cut from the team!??'

'It's a note from your players, coach. It says they are very - no, 'extremely' sorry for losing the game, and can they please come out now.'

'No, Jerome, that is incorrect... can anyone else demonstrate the proper way to tape a basketball player's ankle?'

'When do I learn to slamdunk?'

Athletic Darwinism.

'I think putting a better team together might work, too.'

'Hey, I'm no orthopaedic surgeon - know what I'm sayin'? But this can't be good.'

No eye in team.

'Don't make excuses, Moore! If you can't guard that guy, I'll put someone in who can!'

"I can't deal with any famines, massacres or epidemics right now - I've got to help some guy sink a foul shot."

Kid rage.

Coach of basketball club sitting in his office with papers he has thrown all round the waste bin.

'Now get out there and believe in yourselves! If you believe in yourselves, you can beat anyone!'

"Just practice half-court shots -- all other shots have lost their meaning."

'I'm thinking of jumping right from JV ball to the NBA.'

'We should have asserted control early on. They've been jawing at each other all game long. It was bound to turn violent.'

His patience running thing, the ref pushes the mute button and ends the argument.

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

'And with that basket, it looks like ... Wait. Let me check. ... Yes! The momentum once again has shifted.'

'Don't worry, guys. Tomorrow we play the Napa Valley Cabernets, and we know they can't get over 100 points.'

'What are the chances? I mean, all 10 players simultaneously dive for a loose ball and conk heads?'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

Basketball team toilets.

"Why are you studying? Go outside and practice shooting three pointers, so you can ear big bucks like Steph Curry."

'He hates basketball! He hates basketball! He hates basketball...'

'Major confession, Sid. Ready for this? If I didn't know it was you standing three feet away, you'd be nothing more than a blur...'

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

'...Dan needs time to adjust to a new team...'

'You know you're doing your job right when both coaches are mad at you.'

'All your shots are coming up short, so to strengthen your arms, you'll be practicing with a larger ball.'

'I just love this new rule allowing you tie up obnoxious coaches.'